T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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