is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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