my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
