I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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