Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
FUCK WHALES
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
