A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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