Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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