Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
