his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
