just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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