i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
