she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
