Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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