I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
