You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
