chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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