i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
