I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
