last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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