you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
