Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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