Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
