So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
