Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize