Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
