I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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