I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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