Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my liver is dry heaving
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