franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
soo... how was my night?
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