Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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