Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
