JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
