I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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