If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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