Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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