you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
