I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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