half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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