I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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