Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
