apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My bed smells like the plague
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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