I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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