I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
