the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He? As in you personified your dick?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
