whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
