I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
