Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
