thus making me awesome and them whores
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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