Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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