i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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