you have to choose: penises or morals?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
