He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
