last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
