Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
