Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
