Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
