I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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