i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
