Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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