Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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