ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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