I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
