Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
