Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
